I was intrigued by this blog hop and by the assignment - speaking of one's insecurities as a writer. When you think of it, there are many reasons to be insecure, most of them hinging on how or whether others like us. How do we stack up against the writing trends? How do we fit 'the mold'? What if someone doesn't like my work? What if it turns out that all this effort and angst has been for nothing?
I could address any one of these (and probably will in the future). For me today, though, I'd like to admit to the worst person that I have to stack up to.
The Danish philosopher and poet Piet Hein had a 'Grook' (poem) that went:
Owing to fear
Of what people will think.
There is an answer
People may think
What the devil they please!
But what if the person who is peering at your writing with an eye like an oyster and curling his or her lip with scorn at the ineptness of your writing is…yourself?
That is my problem. If I start to write something, I have to write it perfectly. I write a sentence, frown at it, say 'That sounds dorky!', backspace, and write it again. Over and over. The end result is perhaps a paragraph that's OK but overworked. And nothing else. Well… Maybe a full browser history, since surfing the Web aids in making me think - right?
Well, I can't just crank out awkward phrasing, can I? Well…can I?
The solution to this dilemma is to say 'Why not?' Just spit it out. I tried NaNoWriMo two years ago, just to see if it could be done. It could, but I had to just let go and let the words flow. Some of them were pretty bad - but once the thought was actually captured, it was a joy to tweak, especially after reading and reflecting.
I am working on that insecurity, but I have the answer. I just have to follow it. Turn off the internet connection and write.